She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
