Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
