Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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