I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize