Your mouth is God's brothel.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
