Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
