It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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