eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
