You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
