Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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