Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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