I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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