Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
