I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
