I just gift wrapped bread.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
