I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
