Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
