I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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