So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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