dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize