I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just want nice things and good sex
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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