Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
