No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
