i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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