whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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