She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
