I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
