Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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