it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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