His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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