Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
