dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Drunk is not a location!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
