My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
