I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize