I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
