in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
