Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
