ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
