I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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