ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
