Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
