I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
