Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
this boner is exhausting
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
