I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
