wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
