toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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