i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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