Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
