What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
