The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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