The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
how does that bad decision feel?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
