Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
