Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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