Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
