he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
