my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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