Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
