Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
