I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
