I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
