the condom got lost in my hair
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
