Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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