i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
