Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
