No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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