hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
