if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I looked at my own cervix.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
