shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
