Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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