Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I have already put on my inside pants.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
