i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Come share oat with me in your robe
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
