Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
