last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
