Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
only you would photoshop your dick
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
