You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
