lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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