I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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