At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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