dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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