At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i came on her dog
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
