Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
