Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
