Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
