My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
