Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
