We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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