I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
