You're my little dorito
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
