OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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