i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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