we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize