She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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