spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
