Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
