pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
