I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
