this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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