I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize