is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
