Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
