I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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