we have officially mastered the walk of shame
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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