pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
