Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
