I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
