FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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